For about a month now, every time I’ve left Fox and looked somewhere other than my phone, I find myself seeing at least 3 games of hacky sack going on across campus. Ranging from earlier games around 8:15 AM to the latest just past 11:30 PM, something about the act of passing around a miscellaneous item without using one’s hands has drawn in innumerable people both at Union, and across the world. But what exactly is it that’s given way to the rise of hacky sack in the last few weeks?
Looking at Google Trends, we see a notable increase of interest for hacky sack April 29th, with a giant spike the day of May 3rd:
Why do I mention this? Well, if you look at the stock value of one Dycom Industries, we see a similar pattern arise. Now, you could simply chalk this up to coincidence, but something about that felt too fishy. Why the sudden drop in price right before hacky sack gained notoriety? And why the notable peak on the day of May 3rd? And further, why was May 3rd specifically such a giant peak for these two seemingly unrelated graphs? I’ll tell you why: the direct influence of George Lucas. For those unaware, Daycom’s family of companies “supply the telecommunications infrastructure and utility industries with a comprehensive portfolio of specialty services, including planning, engineering and design, and aerial, underground, and wireless construction.” Aerial, underground, and wireless… Do you know what that rhymes with? Carrier is now dire, sis. But what carrier could this be referring to? Well, that would be the famous Quasar Fire-class cruiser-carrier used by the Galactic Empire. What did this carrier do? Wouldn’t you know it, but supplying infrastructure for the empire’s use of holograms (aka wireless communication) via transporting smaller vessels containing natural resources used in the construction of holographic projectors. May the fourth, AKA Star Wars Day comes right after hacky sack and Daycom’s rise because they represent the dwindling power of covert Sith Lords operating in the shadows while the masses become momentarily attuned to the light side of the force. George Lucas is directly profiting off the passage of bags using body parts besides arms because he fears this generation’s ability to wield lightsabers and rise up against the ruling class. It’s time for America to wake up, and face the facts.
