Disclaimer: The articles within this section are satirical, and meant to be a humorous and exaggerated expression of perspectives of campus culture for entertainment purposes. These articles are not intended to offend readers or stoke controversy.
It’s that time of the year again. School has begun and with it, Union’s flourishing on-campus mixer scene.
As the freshmen start their college career, they want to let their friends from home know that they are not only excelling academically, but also taking advantage of the social scene.
In order to do this, they post videos and precious moments from their night out on Snapchat.
One freshwoman, Andrea Wojtotz, exclaimed how much she enjoyed herself at her first Greek social event this past weekend.
“I had such a great time that I wanted all my friends to experience this with me. Not only do my friends attend different schools, but most of them are asleep before 11:00 p.m. at night. That’s when I decided to take a video of me singing along to every song and post it on my story.”
Other freshmen had different intentions of uploading two minutes worth of Snap stories.
Some wanted to give off the impression that they are still able to have fun in an alcohol free zone, while some wanted to show off how cool their lifted, backwards Yeti hat looked against the color changing LED lights that surrounded the room. Freshman Nico Marlino stated, “I don’t even know what the point in going out is if I’m not able to flex my new Colin Kaepernick jersey on my Snap story.”
Some people question if there are any other social benefits from uploading excessively long Snapchats after a wholesome night of going out.
Ultimately, what we’ve found is that the longer the story, the more Snapchat friends that person has. This can only mean that students who consistently post stories often have more wholesome relationships with the people who view these stories.
Every morning, who doesn’t want to wake up and check what song their friends were dancing or singing along to?
It definitely beats just posting what song you’re currently listening to on your phone.
This trend has also helped Greek life tremendously. Fraternities and sororities that have their own personalized geofilters have seen an increase in numbers as well.
This is clearly exemplified by Kappa Pi Sigma Tau Delta Beta Gamma who pulled an astonishing 40 person class, which was higher than any other year.
In the future, we can only hope that first-years will continue to record and post entire parties on their social media pages to the point where students are showing other students what they posted just moments after it happens in the same setting.
