Union College students always look forward to Spring Term. Union holds exciting and widely anticipated events like Springfest, Lobsterfest, and more. In addition, the weather is finally nice—or is it? Maybe it’s nice for those who are not victims of Spring’s selective wrath. However, the people who do experience Spring’s wrath dread this time of year. And what is Spring’s wrath, you may ask? All of the pollen soaring through the air.
Now, we will look at a typical day for one of pollen’s victims. Let’s call him Dusty. First, Dusty wakes up and finds himself only able to breathe through one nostril. The clogged nostril starts to twitch as he throws himself onto the floor and runs to the nearest tissue. After sneezing for what feels like an eternity, Dusty walks over to the bathroom and looks at his reflection in the mirror. His eyes are bloodshot! They are surrounded by crust as tears try to flush the pollen out.
Dusty heads back to his room and takes a look at the pills, eye drops, and nasal spray on his desk. These medications used to work, but as climate change gets worse by the year, the medications become less and less effective. In addition, Dusty has spent all of his savings on medicine that doesn’t even work. His wallet is empty, and he wishes he could go up to the creators of these so-called “allergy relievers” and demand his money back. Dusty sighs and reminds himself that allergy season will be over soon.
Dusty is one of the many examples of people suffering from spring allergies. Walking around Union’s campus, hearing the sounds of sniffling, sneezing, and coughing is unavoidable. Students and staff may seem happy on the outside, but a good portion of them do not show how much they are actually suffering. Each year, more and more individuals fall victim to Spring’s wrath. As trees sprout and flowers bloom, the high levels of pollen swarm towards people when they least expect it. Victims have had enough.
If we keep going down this path, it is safe to say that the apocalypse will start. Spring is going to become so aggressive that the world will have to stay indoors 24/7, and close all of their windows and doors. On top of that, before taking shelter, everyone will be rushing through grocery stores and drug stores, stocking up on necessities. They will fight for anything they need, even if it causes harm. People will scramble and beg for everything they want as those who work for these stores have to speed to keep products in stock. It will be just like the COVID-19 pandemic all over again. And who wants that? Absolutely no one.
What we need is a revolution. We must kick pollen in the butt. So, everyone, grab your eye drops and nasal sprays and throw them all across the pollen. It is over eight billion people against these tiny little specks. We can do this.
