Union College Unveils An Official Line of NFTs

This article is a satire; the events described within are meant to be taken as a joke and should not be taken as more than such.

Hannah Lane, Contributing Writer


On Friday, February 18, Union College President David Harris made an exciting new announcement: Union College has created their own line of “Nott” Fungible Tokens: drawings of The Nott Memorial which would have special code embedded in it to ensure each one was unique. The set of 35 unique NFTs was released for sale at the time of the announcement. Each piece of art is said to have its own style, though some claim they look as though they have been drawn on MS Paint.

NFTs have recently taken the internet by storm with popular celebrities purchasing or making their own. One NFT even sold for $91.8 million worth of cryptocurrency. It’s no surprise that with all the growing excitement, Union College would be next in line to join the fad. Upon being questioned why the school was doing this, President Harris said, “I do not know what these NFT things are. However, people seem to really like the little pictures of monkeys or whatever so I thought we should do it too.” The pictures will be available for purchase with any cryptocurrency, or with students’ dining plan points, which have also been converted into a new cryptocurrency called “UCoin”.

An anonymous student working for the ITS department was quoted, saying “This is the dumbest choice the school has made since they changed the desks. No one wants to spend half their declining balance on a picture of The Nott. But President Harris seemed really excited, so I guess this is happening now”.

Because of the digital nature of this form of art, there is a growing concern within the NFT community of people stealing their property through the use of screenshots and copy-pasting the images. Of course, the school is concerned about ensuring that the likeness of the The Nott remains completely unique. Therefore, to prevent students from attempting to copy or make their own NFTs of The Nott, the school is prohibiting any student from “photographing The Nott” or “looking at it for too long”.

Students seen holding phones or cameras in the general direction of The Nott will be disciplined and possibly suspended. “I don’t know why people want to steal this copyrighted imagery of The Nott, but if you don’t purchase UCoin and use it to buy the very good drawings of The Nott I made, then seeing The Nott or pictures of it isn’t for you,” President Harris explained in a press conference regarding the drawings.

It’s unclear how much money was spent in order to make this happen but if the program is a success, more “NottFTs” are set to be released of other important Union College landmarks such as the pyramid and the statue.