Union College confirms that an army of ants is building ISEC

Emily Andrews, Contributing Writer

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In the spring of 2019, amidst the warm weather and social events, many Union students recall the terror that swept the school. Students cowered in the masses of ants that would claim the Wold tables, resulting in massive displacement and consequently, overflow at Schaeffer Library. Students rued these “small but disgusting” creatures, demanding that they be rid of so the status quo may resume. However, dear students, the Concordiensis brings you breaking news that the staff hopes may facilitate conversation, education, and acceptance.

In the summer months, the few students present at Union noticed the slow but steady changes being made to ISEC, but were confused by the lack of workers physically present on campus. Many did not think much of this, until one student came across a shocking discovery one night whilst leaving their research lab.

“I thought I was dreaming,” remarked Alexandra Temple, ’20. “But it’s true, an army of ants were moving supplies into ISEC. I saw them with tools, concrete, and glass panes. There must have been 5,000 of them, working together to carry everything. I followed them from a distance and actually watched them install a door. It was so weird to see, but also pretty amazing.”

The Concordiensis reached out to administration for a comment over the summer, but it was not until recently that a former Sustainability Coordinator, that would like to remain anonymous, broke the silence. They explained that the ants have been very helpful to the College by providing cheap but hardworking labor, as well as a more sustainable alternative to humans. Union currently has 20,000 ants employed at the school to aid the completion of ISEC, which is the tip of the anthill compared to the 10,000 trillion ants that inhabit the planet.

Many of the students and faculty’s questions regarding ISEC construction have been answered due to this discovery, as it explains why the promised completion date is looking like less and less of a reality. At this time, the brown paper lining the glass in ISEC is intact to respect the ants’ privacy from students so that they will not be mocked during working hours. The college hopes that this story will encourage students to be more welcoming of these diligent workers who are doing so much to make our campus the best it can be.