On Thursday at approximately 2 pm, an unknown figure was seen painting the once-uncovered fence between Fox and Davidson black. By night, save the tan-and-gray-tiles there that used to match the silver fence, the patchy paint job would deny the space any geometrical integrity. A fence that once inspired our famous motto — ”Maybe some stuff’s cool without paint” — was compromised. Concordy sent an investigative team. What forces, strange, familiar, bad and/or good, painted this perfectly good fence? The results are grim. It appears a wanton act of aesthetic violence.

The Concordiensis failed to obtain a comment from the painter–the 807 section polygraph was too big to carefully hide and carry the premisis from Reamer. In spite of this pitfall, writers Greenman and McKinnon pursued what clues were left. A shred of plastic packaging lay on the tiles. Its ISBN number, 9781605551074, matches “2018 Premier Golf Deluxe Wall Calendar.” This solves one of the biggest questions in such a time: When to panic. We’re almost two years late on panicking.

What could not have been left was a mask. The painter was seen by the two Concordiensis writers operating mask-free, ostensibly breathing fumes. Common sense and common morals value painting with a mask on. Who or what the painter was was apparently immune to normal harms.

Remove the paint at your own risk. Tampering is prohibited and may result in injury and/or fine.

The raised platform on the scene also has three scary pipes that are only scarier the less one knows about them.

May we paint the fence no more.