College braces itself again for the return of campus golfers

Andrew Wojtowicz, 807 Editor

It’s that time of the year again. The sun is shining, the sky is blue and students who golf on campus are waking up from their winter hibernations. It is only a matter of time before these “Tiger Woods wanna-be’s” emerge from the depths of wherever they came from and return to the middle of campus to practice their short game.

Campus golf at Union College was founded about 50 years ago when a group of young freshmen boys realized that Union only had a women’s golf team. Eager to showcase enough talent to justify a college-recognized men’s team, this daring group of students did what others only dreamed of doing. They created a full 18 hole course spanning to every corner of Union’s campus, ensuring that everyone could watch them play at some point during the day. After receiving positive reactions solely from their friends, the group of ambitious recent high school grads decided to make it a tradition to play campus golf every warm, sunny day until they were recognized as an official Division III sport that Union offered. To this day, they are still waiting for that moment.

Unsurprisingly, campus golf hardly translates to traditional golf due to a few major alterations. First, a hard dimpled golf ball is replaced with a fuzzy hollow tennis ball to make contact with the club and hitting other people on campus easier. Campus golfers can sleep soundly knowing that using a tennis ball is much safer when aiming toward groups of unsuspecting people. Another important rule of campus golf is the use of a loud speaker during play, which is clearly not allowed in Division III, let alone professional golf.

With the emergence of the much needed warm weather, slowly but surely students are realizing that this warm weather brings out the campus golfers. Jack Wafflehouse, a senior, expressed his concern for the return of these students. “I remember that first time I saw them,” recalled Jack. “I thought it was a joke at first, like why would anyone just hit golf balls across West Beach with everyone outside? That’s not safe. It was only a matter of time before I realized these golfers are oblivious to anyone else on campus.”

This situation has ultimately lead to the decline of safety across campus. No longer do students feel safe walking to their afternoon classes. “I’m just thankful I only have morning classes,” commented junior Jake Rennington. “Once they wake up and notice the weather’s nice, it’s like you have to avoid leaving your room at all costs. I remember one time I was walking to dinner when a guy in Chubbies and a polo shirt advertising his dad’s company shouted ‘Fore!’ in my direction. Next thing I knew I was yelled at for catching the tennis ball on my shoulder blade, clearly not seeing it until it was too late.”

At press time, campus golfers were seen stealing facility golf carts and forcing first years to caddy for them.